How Did I Survive??

I call out because of the pain I am in

it is too great for me to bear

You were so cruel to me

and I do not know

How I survived

the first 24 years of my life

You treated me like a criminal

which showed in the violent

to wards me

as you the little girl did

was cry

Please do not judge me with your words

to be still told now in my gently years

how I have sinned because of telling

of the abuse

which was done to me as a child

in the Roman Catholic orphanages

I am still in torment and pain

because I am torn apart

with your bad words.

They were more holy than righteousness

I don't want to bow my head to them any more

Especial to the Nazareth House nuns/priest

because I still have this fear for them

I need some one to help me

to carry my cross

as it gets heaver for me

from day to day.

I can not cope with my pain

as the thrashings of the nuns belts

came rushing through my head.

They would keep on gaining

more and more strength

as they whipped me

never once did they stop for a breath

The pounding of their belts

across my back

Which bleed and left their marks

on my back

This did not seem to bother them at all

It was as though they ripped my life

and heart right out of me

as the abuse went on

most days and night.

I have feelings too

I hurt so much

I could hear your rosary beads

as you walked along the corridor

outside the classroom.

Your words

were a belt and cord of action

which caused me misery

of extrema pain

of my body, heart and mind.

You told me to hung my heard in shame

while you said those hurtful words to me

I was not allowed to look at you

Is this why you told me

to hung my head in shame?

So you could not see the fear

and the torment I was in

which was written on my face

for all to see

as well as my pain.

You took my childhood away from me

you treated my worse

than you would an animal

You hurt my so much

not only my body

but also my mind

as well as my soul

I had nothing but pain

and hate shown to me

I try to forget it all but it is there

with me still to this day.

You did not know the fear

I had as the night time came

I would know that I would

be called up to line up again.

The cord and the buckled belt

that Sister Blandina used

would cut into my skin

and still she would not stop

The Nazareth House nuns and priest

mentally abused me

with their hands and their tongue

which was like fire.

Such cruel harsh words would flow out

as though they would never stop

Copyright@ 2001 Ann Thompson

All Rights Reserved