If Only

If only I was told the truth

When I was a child

For I was told I had no mother

And that I was no body’s Child

Life for me was so bad

With all the hate and fear

Which the nuns put into my little head

If only my mother had not let me go

When the catholic church took me away

From her arms which held me tight

For they took me away to Christchurch

So many miles away

To an orphanage run by the nuns

And this were

All of my nightmares began.

If only there was a little love in these homes

Because the nuns were so hard and cold

They stripped me of any love

I should have known

And left me feeling so very cold

If only I could talk and tell

Of what the nuns did to me

The unwanted child

As it was all hidden

Behind the bid heavy doors

For no one saw the abuse

Which was done to us

So many times before.

If only there was some one who cared for me

Or looked into my sad eyes

They would have seen the pain I was in

Because no one asked me why I cried

Or took care of the child with in

So she would know some one cared

Because the little chid cried every day

For the pain she was in

If only the church stayed my safe place

A I went to church on Sunday for Mass

I was pulled out of line

To be slapped across my face and ears

And always wondered why no one took

any notice of me or cared.

If only some one took my hand

And held it tight

And told me I was not alone but no one ever cared

Or saw the fear I was in

That showed on my face for all to see.

If only the nuns looked at me

A I bent my head

And turned away in shame

For what the nuns did

And said I was a simpleton

Would tear at my heart

And make me cry

Because to them it was just a game.

If only I was shown some kindness

While in those very cold homes

I was pushed down on my knees by my hair

And told to apoloize to the nun standing there

While with her belt coming down across my back

I did not know the wrong that I had done

But still it went on like this every day

And the nuns would not forget

About the abuse the next day

If only I had died when I was a little child

I would not have to face the nuns today

About the abuse they did to me

As the fear for them is still within

And the pain I feel is so deep

For the Nazareth House nuns were so cruel

It was as though they were possessed

With evil within.

copyright@2001 Ann Thompson

All Rights Reserved