When I hear these Things

When I Hear of my Mother

I think of the hate you had For her
of the bad and hurtful words
you said to me about her

because of my birth

When I hear Elvis sing
I think when at the age of 15 years
a priest sexually abused me
so a thrashing across a bed
I got for the lies

the priest told of that day

When I hear of Joseph of many colors
I think of the first jersey
I knitted up in rib of many colors
which you took off me

and gave it to another girl

When I hear a baby or child cry
I think of the 3 Ladies
who sexually abused me
under the age of 5 years old
while in their care under the nuns

When I hear a drunken man
I think of the nursery
with drunken men swearing
outside the nursery door
while we slept in our beds at night

When I hear of Jesus

I think about me
tied hand and feet to a bed
while naked being thrashed 
with 3 nuns around the bed

When I hear of the kitchen and cooks
not to thrash me
while on my hands and knees
until I could not walk

When I hear about a cellar
I think about being pushed
down the stairs to stay in there
without food or water hours on end
and the floor which I had to use
for there was no toilet down there

When I hear about the nuns
I think of the lies they told me
of me being an orphan child
of me being bold and dirty
of body, soul and my mind

When I hear of my mother
I think of the love I missed
as her children tell me
about her kindness
Her loving heart
she had for them all

When I hear about families
I think of the family I did not have
and how I find it hard to talk
to my brothers and sisters I have now
as I am on the outside still looking in

When I hear about the church
I think of so many things
the nuns and priest who lied to me
of the fear of any priest

of whom I may see
tied hand and feet to the ends of the bed
like Jesus on the cross
of the nuns coming back from church

to whip the sins of my mother out of me

When I hear of nuns and priest
I think of the fear I have for them
of the way they verbally abused me
of how they locked me in broom cupboards
and not knowing what wrong I had done

Now tell me how I can get rid
of these bad things
which were done to me.
Make them good when I hear
of all the things I think about

If you can see a way I can not see
Then a helping hand is what I want
but when I need one
no one hears my fears
of those awful years
in the orphanages
of the catholic church
nuns and priest
for so many years

 Copyright@ 1997 Ann Thompson

All Rights Reserved