How I Feel Today

Ann Free Spirit

I see most here do not know the meaning of what real fear is like, when you know there is no one who can help you or stand by you. And you know you can never get out of what is being done to your body and soul and the only way out of the torment and fear is to kill yourself so it all ends.

It is like a dark hole in which you feel trapped and the more you try to climb out the more you are pushed down, way down below so you see no light and you try all ways of getting away from the dark but it is there, so you know the only way out of this is to die and you do not think of how, where or when, because it just comes on you and you do the first thing which you think of and you think now I will be safe.

It is trying to get yourself safe and free from the pain and the on going abuse and sexual abuse happening to you and you scream out for help and no one comes so you try to get some one to notice you, some one to hear you and you know that they do hear, but you seem to be not there with them.

You are in a hollow tube, you hear your voice and you see them around you but it is the never ending loneliness that you are here alone, so you must try to get out of this abuse the best way you can. You see them, you hear them, but they are not there. The only ones around you are those who are abusing you, so you know you will never be safe, you will never see a smile or a helping hand, for you are alone and you are there footstool for them to do as they please with you.

So the only other thing for you to do is to do as they want you to do and not think of anything, you let your mind go blank and try to be some where else. When I tried to kill myself at 12 years of age and again at 19years old, all I thought of was to be safe so no one could get near me, to harm me again. I wanted for some one to hear me and to take my hand, to help me.

Copyright@ 2003 Ann Thompson

All Rights Reserved